


Not Very Romano Cheesy

by not_a_functioning_human_being



Series: Sanders Sides One Shots [9]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Crack Fic, He's also super jealous, Logan's the mermaid, M/M, Other, POV First Person, Pattons there too, Roman also highkey hates Patton, Roman is cheddar, Roman's POV, The first paragraph makes Patton sound violent, The logince is unrequited, but he's not, but like opposite, he just wants to have a nice picnic, i don't know what i'm doing anymore, mermaid au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:55:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25436527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_a_functioning_human_being/pseuds/not_a_functioning_human_being
Summary: Patton doesn't deserve someone like Logan. Logan deserves someone better.Someone like me.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Sanders Sides One Shots [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1809271
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	Not Very Romano Cheesy

I sit upon my porcelain throne overlooking the ocean before me. It’s a nice difference from my home in the frigid cold. Patton only takes me out to slice open my body and feast upon my flesh. He puts me on sandwiches, he eats me with crackers. I’ve been withered away into nothing more than a small sliver of my former self. 

When he eats me I cannot scream, for I have no mouth, but I can see. I have no eyes but I can see all.

“You didn’t have to do all this, Patton.”

Today Patton has taken me to the beach. A beautiful creature sits before me. The most beautiful creature in all the land. (Other than me of course).

His bulging yellow-green eyes on the side of his head looks around at the picnic Patton lays before him. Scales of every color of the rainbow cover his body down to his waist where the fish ends and long sleek human legs begin. Long angelic fins swept down his torso and up his back. Today he’s wearing a top hat and a monocle. He looks simply dashing. 

His name is Logan, my one true love, and Patton's fiance. 

Patton doesn’t deserve someone so amazing that words can’t even begin to describe him. Logan is intelligent and passionate. He is the comforting smell of paper. He’s the security of a warm fuzzy blanket. And he’s drop-dead gorgeous. 

Patton is nothing like that. Patton is clumsy, even now I watch as he trips over air and lands into Logan’s fins. He laughs too loud, he smiles too wide. They share a revoltingly sloppy kiss. Logan deserves better. He deserves someone with elegance and class.

He deserves someone like me.

The salty sea air seeps in through my pores. I feel myself prematurely aging. Patton thought it would be romantic to have a picnic in the spot where the two had met. What an amateur. This date idea has already been done to the point of becoming a trope, a cliche. Logan deserves something new, something creative, something spectacular.

I look up at the seagulls circling around us. They probably want a piece of me since I’m the tastiest snack here. Patton’s a terrible cook, another reason why Logan should dump him. There's sand blowing around, getting all over everything and people are staring at us. They’re not used to seeing such a beautiful creature dating someone so vile.

“Of course Logie! I know this might be a bit  _ cheesy  _ but it’s our anniversary.” He picks up my seat, making me slide all over the plate. He holds me up towards the beautiful creature. 

I look up into his stunning eyes, bulging out of his head. My gaze falls upon his perfect lips, thin and hard outside of his giant gaping mouth. Of course Patton would want to humiliate me in front of such perfection. What else would you expect from such a loathsome human being?

Logan examines me, admiring every inch of my body. “What type of cheese is it Patton?”

Patton shrugs, “I dunno, all I know is that it tastes really  _ gouda  _ on sand-wiches. Do ya want some?”

I AM CHEDDAR YOU HEATHEN!!!! 

I cannot believe the sheer levels of embarrassment Patton is putting me through. Pretending I’m some lower-level sort of cheese. I’m cheddar! Not gouda, not provolone, not swiss, cheddar! 

Logan rolls his eyes at Patton's terrible puns. He looks down at me and I can feel every single molecule, every fiber of my being start to vibrate faster. I’m melting, and it’s not from the heat. 

I can see his lips lean in closer to me. Can he hear me? Does he see me for the superior creature I truly am? His lips are even closer now, slightly parted I think he’s gonna kiss me. 

I’m quaking. I’ve been waiting for this moment my entire life. True love’s kiss. I'm sorry Patton, but I’m afraid Logan’s finally moved on and realized he could do so much better than you.

I look up as Logan wraps his lips around my rinds. And then… darkness.

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
